The letters of our life will write the best love story
jesus. husband. babies
Friday, February 25, 2011
Dose of reality
“The world is full of women blindsided by the unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and torturous.” – Anna Quindlen
This is not a fit, I know it may look like one but this is what my boy does when (he is tired) I say "Show mama your happy face".
My boy has decided that his "happy face" is more of a growl. I kinda love it with all my heart. But I kinda get frustrated when I want him to look presentable in a picture and this is what I get.
Kinda like a lot of motherhood.
***I would like to preface this with a personal shout out to my moth in love (aka my mother in law), I DO love my baby, I DO love him every second so please don't think that I don't!***
When I was pregnant I pictured motherhood to be more of a big happy day, a baby that knew when to sleep, knew when he was ready to move to 2 naps instead of 3 (and down to 1) and would communicate it to me. I thought it might be day after day of play dates with the people (and babes) I love the most and a baby that totally understood the word "NO" (I mean I KNOW he knows what it means now...even if he pretends not to).
I thought it would be chalk full of trips to Target where my loving baby would smile at me and understand that the cart was the coolest place to be.
Long drives to where we need to go where I could say "we are almost there baby" and he would get quiet and smile at me, knowing that I was also annoyed for him (because mamas DO understand how boring a car ride can be for a toddler).
I pictured weekends being so carefree, daddy being home from work and all of us just "melting" to each other.
Well, yes, motherhood is possibly in the top 3 best things that has ever happened to me. But Jesus knows it is rough some days.
Do I love this boy more then any child ever? Yes.
Do I stay up at night praying for his future and the sweet girl that will steal his heart and take care of him as his wife? Yes.
Do I also stay away thinking of everything that could go wrong in his life. Yeah, sometimes.
So I think about our day and wonder "Did I tell him I loved him enough?". All the time.
Do I look back at his baby pictures and smile with tears running down my face and think "Dis I kiss him enough and provide enough love?". Yep.
Do I pray for him every night before bed and think "You have to remember this Kaitlin because in the blink of an eye you won't be allowed to kiss him before he goes down and he won't want you to read to him before bed." EVERY NIGHT I think about it.
Do I get SO frustrated some days when he is just trying to test me? Yep, I do.
Have I ever thought "Man, life was WAY easier before we had a kid!". Honestly, Yep.
Do I ever think I would want to take him back and do life as a young married couple again. Nope, never crossed my mind.
Being a mama is amazing. Is it hard? Umm my boy is 21 months and some days I think "How long will you be a cry baby?" and some days I think "Oh I miss when you wanted me all through the night", so much my heart aches sometimes.
We take on the responsibility of this life and maybe we don;t know what we are signing up for but we do it.
We do it because we want to.
Some times we have rough days and we do it because we have to.
But everyday when I tuck my baby into bed I think "I love you forever, no matter what you do or don't do. I will love you everyday until I die".
So mamahood isn't perfect or easy but it is worth it. Even when Tenn is having a rough day, it is worth it.